Life isn't always bliss

I'm sad today.

I woke up today still tired from all the emotions I felt last night. I went home from work yesterday, my child sick, my mom bickering...my husband drinking, my brothers taking sides. In my mind it was chaotic. It was like being caught in the middle of two clashing boulders. My mom is angry that my husband left my sick child to her while he drinks alcohol. My husband is upset because he wasn't able to decide for my child's well being because my mom hinders him so. My mom hates my husband because he's doesn't have a job, to her it seemed that my husband is leeching on me. My husband wasn't able to work because he was looking for a good agency that will finally sail him.

If you were in my shoes, what would you do?

I admit I might have chosen the wrong person to be with. The person who has no work because in his idealistic mind he will achieve what he dreamed of becoming. A sailor. My mom cannot see that. For her, it was all about MONEY. Money is everything. She hates for me to work alone for my family because I can no longer give her my whole salary (the way I used to before I bore AJ).

But coming home to a drunk husband is another story. He wasn't even Man enough to support me and our daughter and yet he still has enough guts to get himself drunk?

Now I'm confused whom should I hate.

If GOD isn't holding my heart now, I would have plunged a knife straight into my heart so I can no longer feel how it aches. God is still good. I maybe sad right at this moment, but i can hear him whispering to my heart that a little later today there will still be a reason for me to smile and to go on with life. I am crying again now, but not because I'm sad, but because of gratitude. I am feeling pain simply because I have the capacity to feel. It means I also have the capacity to feel love, happiness, joy, hope...

I am crying now because I am thankful that I have found strength in this moment of weakness, a shelter from the storm...and because of it...

TO GOD BE THE GLORY