On Sincerity and Honesty

They say that people you love the most are the most capable of hurting you. This is really true for me, it has happened and is happening to me now. "She" has been my girl ever since. Being the eldest and the only girl in our family has me wanting to have a baby sister to share all the girly staff with. She's the cousin who doesn't have any sibling - the real unica hija, the spoiled little princess who doesn't have anybody to play with. I have always been summoned to their house for weekend sleepovers so she'll have someone for company. I, of course, willingly obliged. I so loved the idea of spending some quality time with my cousins. (My other cousins were our neighbors so I get to play with them everyday - while she, on the other hand, lives on a different part of town with only a yaya to take care of her). And spending weekends at their house has plenty of benefits, someone to play with is one, then there's the free use of their Nintendo all day long, boardg ames, food and also playing with our distant cousin Ryan Neil Malto (w/c we have to climb over the bakod (to the other side of the village) so that we can play with him and/or ransack the fruits of their kamias tree.

It was safe to say that we have a very close relationship. There are times when I wasn't able to visit her, we would write each other letters (Those were the times that cellphones are not uso yet and PLDT have not reached Sitio Maligaya)

I don’t know how it happened, but as we grow older, we have slowly drifted apart. To be fair to her, she’s doing all her best to keep in touch – she being the more thoughtful one. She would make kulit so that I would meet her somewhere in Glorietta.

But now, things have really changed. It has started with her text, apologizing for making me envious when we were young. Because she felt that she has a more “fantabulous” childhood than mine. Perhaps she’s right, she has everything that she wants – materially. Her parent’s has given her all that she asks and all that she needs. I wouldn’t blame her for that for she’s an only child. For I believe that all those things given to her make up for all those times that her parents are not at home with her. Maybe that’s how she gauges happiness. While I, on the other hand, has long learned that materials things – alone - can never make you happy. I may not have that “fantabulous” childhood as she puts it, but I do have a FRUITFULL one. A childhood that I have been able to share with my mom, dad and baby brothers, a childhood that made me able to play with a lot of friends of my age, a childhood that has brought me closer to my tito’s and tita’s and my cousins, and most of all, a childhood full of memories and fun and laughter. And to me, at the end of the day, those things have made my childhood a lot more fantastic and fabulous to any degree.

But, It doesn’t really matter which childhood is fantabulous or fruitful. What hurt me the most is the knowledge that she has not been fully honest with me. All the while, I have been thinking and believing that she’s asking for me to stay with her because she truly, really and beyond doubt loves to be with me – the favorite cousin. Looking back now, it means that she has not been sharing all her toys because she just wants someone to play with but because she was just showing the off to me?

Ganon pala kababa ang tingin nya sa akin... And, I really believed that she’s sincere. How stupid of me....

The Anatomy of Jeanette Macugay-Cabrera

I haven't been able to blog for a while...
Had a lot of things to do with so much little time...
There's a lot "ME" that I need to carry out well in a lot of different roles...

I'm not complaining or anything, co'z i'm enjoying every minute of it (though not easy). Balancing each of my roles in life is fun especially if i look at it in the brighter side.

I want to share with you everything that makes me "ME". All the roles that I play that makes my worth.

MOM - Yes, I play this role the best I can. With so much love! I sometimes surprise myself that I was able to give so much love and that I am aching to give more. It is really true that motherhood is the essence of a woman.

WIFE - I can never brag that i am the perfect wife, or that my husband and I have a perfect relationship. Not every moment of our life together is all bliss but we have a lot of room for compromises. We are still two separate individuals adjusting on our journey through life together. Independent as I am, It won't able to take just a snap of the fingers to realize that I can no longer hold my decisions as mine alone especially if it pertains to the well being of our family. But still, It's so wonderful to dream big dreams and work hard to achieve them if you have someone to dream and to work with you.

DAUGHTER - I am not only my parents' daughter but of God as well. I am forever thankful that God gave me such wonderful parents that never gave up on me. All that I have achieved, I achieved because of them who never faltered to coach me, to push me towards my goals, to cradle me each time I fall. I am praying that I may be able to do the same with my daughter. God has blessed me so much. His love alone keeps me strong to endure all that he offers me, may it be trial, may it be blessing. In everthing I do, I pray...To God be the glory, forever and always!

SISTER - The fun part! I have two darling baby brothers (that are bigger than me). To whom I have shared the sweetness and bitterness (the spices) of my childhood. We are so close that nothing can tear us apart. I love them both and I always try to give in to what makes them both happy. In all the places that I've been, In all the adventures that I've been to, I always envision myself that someday I can come back and relinquish my adventure with them. I love them so much that I can give my everything to them. Actually if they will ask me to give them my house (that I am currently paying now), I am more willing to give it to them. Haha! I'm an obsessed big sister - so what?

FRIEND - I am not a great talker. In fact i am often misunderstood by the way I express my thoughts. But I'm a great listener. When my friends needed a shoulder to cry on they can always count on me to be there. They can always rant about something and vent out with me. But, only few people knows that about me. Only few and lucky people - that's a proven fact.

CARREER WOMAN - I love my job now. actually I love all the jobs that i had even from way way back. I always try to give all my best shots. And i get to meet a lot of people who marks my life well. It broadens my horizon as a person. It's nice to know that I am being paid to do the job that i want!

So you see, It's not easy to play these roles at the same time. I know you have yours to - enjoy it! Life has full of reasons to become wonderful!

All of us have different roles in life, not all are exciting but worthy of acknowledgement. So to all the mothers, daughters, wives, sisters, friends and carreer women out there! My applause to all of you!